[13 Dec 09] This idea was moronic.

[bunnyThor]

Well, at least Charlotte and Duane are happy. I wonder what Brandi is going to add to this circus.

I don't know. She's calling out Stan's name, but she's rushing right by them and pointing off into the distance. Did she lose her sight since we saw her last? Maybe that's why she's so angry.

She's gone blind from the rage.

You know, now that I look at this page more, I think Brandi might seriously be looking at something else. Check out Penny's expression. If it was just Stan bitching her out, I think her expression would be less surprise and more defiance. It's almost as if she sees whatever it is that Brandi is pointing at.

I'm not sure what would put such a look of shock on Penny's face, and a distracted squint on Brandi's face though. The only thing I can think of is if Rich suddenly came waltzing down the hall. Whatever Brandi is looking at, her tone of voice doesn't seem angry, shocked, or urgent, but Penny looks like she has just seen (or has been goosed by) a ghost.

[brasca]

Aggie, Aggie, Aggie.

Duane and Charlotte are not analogous to your situation. Duane and Charlotte's relationship started because they had a strong interest in common. You have nothing in common with Xena other than age, location, and gonads.

Face. Palm.

Actually they both approached the situation trying to trap each other. She for Karen's purposes and he played along for their coalition's purpose. It was only then that Charlotte realized that Duane couldn't be who she thought he was and he realized there was acutally more to her fundie persona. Aggie is just looking for a date and it's why she keeps tripped up with duds. What she needs to do is seduce whoever is working for Cyndi and then forge a meaningful relationship with them.

[Michael Ezra]

Aggie waited for her study buddy finally to take a breath, and then seized her opportunity. "Uhhh, thanks, Xena. I sure understand the Revolutionary War much better with the, er, extra information you've given me. But now if you'll excuse me, I gotta--"

"Wait," said Xena. "Perhaps you'd be interested in a free stress test at one of our centers? It could change your life, free what's blocking you."

"Eep. That's awfully nice of you to offer, but really I need to go home and--WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?"

What it was, was an enormous crunching sound, accompanied by chunks of plaster and roof tile crashing to the floor. Aggie looked up and saw, through the newly-created hole in the ceiling, a giant, bald, bearded man with big black bug-eyes, wearing a military uniform.

"At last!" said the giant in a booming voice that sounded like metal scraping wood. "After seventy-five million years, I have escaped my electronic mountain prison. Now I shall gather up the billions of stray thetans here on the planet Teegeeack, complete their indoctrination, and deploy them against the Galactic Confederacy faction that dared imprison me. I am Xenu, and I shall have my revenge."

Oh no, thought Aggie. Everything Xena just told me--it was all true. God, Jesus, world religions, conventional science and reason--all lies, malicious lies, implanted in clusters of disembodied souls who clung to our ancestors and have kept us blind to reality ever since. And now it's all going to happen again.

Xena sprung up on the bench, cutting short Aggie's reverie. "Stand down, tyrant!" she said. "Not all of us on Earth, or Teegeeack as you call it, are deluded and traumatized by thetans. You're dealing with a clear now." She unzipped her backpack and pulled out a small box with a meter and dials. Attached to the box with cables were two cylindrical electrodes. Xena applied what appeared to be some sort of adhesive to the electrodes, then grabbed the cables, swung the electrodes above her head like a slingshot, and hurled them at the dictator.

"Foolish female Teegeeackite!" said Xenu, laughing. "Do you think these tin cans you've somehow attached can harm m--wait, what? Is there some sort of current passing through me? What sorcery is this?"

Xena smiled and twisted the dials on the box. "Xena?" said Aggie. "What's going on?"

"Shh. Leave everything to me, Aggie. --Okay, tough guy, let's see what you're made of."

"I am made of power, that is what, what--no. No. I just realized: I never really knew my father. And my mother withheld love from me because...I was never good enough for her. So I tried to find solace in promiscuous sex, alcohol, junk food, and finally dictatorial galactic rule culminating in genocide. But...but I still felt empty...still feel empty inside. Mommy? Daddy? Where are you? Why won't you love me? Why. Won't. You. Luh-uh-uhve mehehe..." He collapsed into a fetal position on the floor and sobbed convulsively.

"There, there," said Xena softly, approaching him with her backpack in tow. "It's okay, Xenu. It's okay. You've nothing to worry about anymore. No more pain." In less time than it takes to sneeze, she drew out a broadsword and beheaded him. "Sic semper tyrannis," she said, wiping the sword clean.

Aggie stared at Xena for a few seconds. Then, "Xena...take me," she said. "Let's ascend to higher levels together...in bed." She threw her arms around her, and the two of them inclined their faces towards each other, closer, ever closer...

"Hold up, hold up." Penny burst onto the scene. "What's going on here? This is supposed to be a teen dramedy strip, and all of a sudden it's a bizarre, not to mention suspiciously preachy, space opera with a totally out-of-nowhere romantic pairing? (And no, I'm not saying that because I'm jealous.) Who's responsible for this? I demand that you show yourself! Who are you? Huh?"

****

And now a pencil reaches down from above, draws a door in front of Penny, and slams itself. We pull back to Tom Cruise, sitting at a cartooning desk, wielding a pencil, and turning to smile at us. "Ain't I a stinker?" he says.

[sun tzu]

I think Scientology is about the ONLY organized religion (yah, i cant believe i called it that either) that i havent had any kind of contact with. with L. Roy Dullard's....er..that is to Say L. Ron Hubbard's take on religion being teh work of alien ghosts brainwashed and then blown up by an H-bomb to solve an intergalactic housing crisis, all i gotta say is: 'wow...if you believe that...can i interest you in my take? i have serious need of cash and you dont seem to need yours in the slightest'

when the first words out of this girls mouth makes her sound like a crazy psycho, its no wonder aggie had the reaction she did. who knows, maybe she's playing up the wierdness factor just to psych aggie out. but if she's this die-hard a scientologist, id be for listening to the warning bells going off in the back of her head.

and yes, i freely admit to being one of the folks who wont give scientology a fair shake, when its founder admits to being a scam, runs off with millions of dollars from his 'church' and lives in exile on the run while laughing at those he's duped...i dont see the reasoning TO give it a fair shake. the fact that his church survived his passing fairly boggles the mind. and im sorry to have offended anyone here who may be a scientologist, but yah. i stand by my words.

I don't mind Scientology's origins half as much as its methods. It is one of the vilest organizations still active today, and I don't feel a need to "tolerate" it any more than I would feel the same for the Inquisition if it still existed.




Re: Penny: I could be totally wrong here, but my impression was that her thought process was "Waaait...Stan keeps his relationship with my friend static for a year, but right after he kisses me, he decides to take it to the next level? Stan, this is pretty damn suspicious of you."

[Rhodesaw]

I don't get why Penny and/or Brandi are upset at all.

[oddtail]

I found it amusing that there's such a contrast between Xena and Charlotte, *despite* Charlotte being religion-crazy. It made my day.

Granted, I have no respect for Scientology, not even in the way I have some respect for weird sects of mainstream religions, for stuff like Wicca or even for ancient religions of the past (you don't get more fairytale-ish in your beliefs than the ancient Greeks or Egyptians). But no, Scientology has a special place in my heart for creating outlandish stories and wrapping them in MODERN incoherent babbling. I dunno, even the stuff I find amusing and not believable has, usually, a kind of "dignity" that makes me understand why people would believe it. Scientologist beliefs are just so... weird and random.

Plus, as sun tzu said, Scientology is a dangerous, malicious cult. I prefer dangerous, benevolent cults myself. Also, sun tzu: the Inquisition's history is shrouded in legend and Protestant bias, it wasn't really THAT bad. In the Middle Ages, they often gave you the closest thing to a fair trial that you could possibly expect (let me rephrase: they gave you a trial that's unfair by modern standards, and other institutions of power may have well given you no trial at all, depending on the ruler's whim). The most famous (and allegedly the most vile) Inquisition, the Spanish Inquisition, was a state-ran affair engineered specifically to create something that was not controlled by the Papacy. Making it the same thing in name only.

But, let's get off of religion for a while. The fact that I like about Charlotte vs Xena is that, well, her nuttiness is different. The early Charlotte was arguably worse than Xena, because instead of being a loon, she was a judgmental, angry and self-destructive loon. But I'm happy to see that she just might be a loon open to change and to others. I mean, her being friends with a Muslim (I'm assuming due to the lack of evidence otherwise that it's a friendship with no "buts" and no strings attached) is not what your typical Bible-thumper would do. Xena is probably more open (I don't think many people instantly believe what she says ), but she's... oh gosh, I don't even know where to begin.

One thing that intrigues me is that, IF she genuinely believes what she's saying, Xena doesn't seem very defensive about it, nor apologetic. Seeing as she probably gets laughed at whenever she says anything at all, she would probably get either. This suggests, to me at least, that she either is seriously insane and delusional (as opposed to "comic book style" crazy - y'know, more funny than sad, 'cuz real life mental problems are rarely funny), or she does, after all, just do it for the attention.

I'm curious to find out.

EDIT: wait, I think I have another interpretation of the third panel. Aggie is about to think that Xena doesn't need "someone to listen, she needs a padded cell". Then she says that Charlotte (whom Aggie was very suspicious about) did, indeed, need someone to listen, and her sadfase is due to her realising she's being a judgmental bitch, again.

Not very likely, but maybe?

EDIT 2: Duane has scary eyebrows.

[NCallahan]

'wow...if you believe that...can i interest you in my take? i have serious need of cash and you dont seem to need yours in the slightest'

Oh, no, ya' don't! That's how this whole thing got started!

Although, curiously, I did go look up L. Ron Hubbard on wikiquote and while the post-scientology stuff is vile and evil, one of his pre-scientology quotes... I thought it was actually kind of moving.

Living is a pretty grim joke, but a joke just the same. The entire function of man is to survive. The outermost limit of endeavor is creative work. Anything less is too close to simple survival until death happens along. So I am engaged in striving to maintain equilibrium sufficient to at least realize survival in a way to astound the gods. I turned the thing up so it's up to me to survive in a big way . . . Foolishly perhaps, but determined none the less, I have high hopes of smashing my name into history so violently that it will take a legendary form even if all books are destroyed.

[Rhodesaw]

EDIT: wait, I think I have another interpretation of the third panel. Aggie is about to think that Xena doesn't need "someone to listen, she needs a padded cell". Then she says that Charlotte (whom Aggie was very suspicious about) did, indeed, need someone to listen, and her sadfase is due to her realising she's being a judgmental bitch, again.

Not very likely, but maybe?

That's what I thought, too:

It could be that rather than looking at the relationship, she's looking at the fact that Duane listened to Charlotte. She'd just thought "This girl doesn't need someone to listen, she needs a padded cell" and then, when she saw Charlotte and Duane walking by, she realized that she was in the wrong by thinking that.

Although I didn't word mine as well as yours..

[MudFlap33]

I don't get why Penny and/or Brandi are upset at all.

Maybe Michelle is right behind him. Even though Stan said he and Brandi were FWB "on and off" for over a year, well, that includes the time that he was dating Michelle. I don't think Michelle is going to like hearing that and wondering whether it was truly "off" when she and Stan were together.

[Rhodesaw]

I don't get why Penny and/or Brandi are upset at all.

Maybe Michelle is right behind him. Even though Stan said he and Brandi were FWB "on and off" for over a year, well, that includes the time that he was dating Michelle. I don't think Michelle is going to like hearing that and wondering whether it was truly "off" when she and Stan were together.

That's a really good point, I forgot about Michelle.

But what's with Penny's "jerking Brandi around" accusation?

[Heather_Dee]

Yes, Aggie, this was moronic, and you need a padded cell next to hers for listening to Fred of all people. Honestly he's the stereotype of the male Cosmo reader. He's as nutty as Xena is, it's just not as blatantly obvious.

facepalm is right..

[NobodySpecial]

EDIT: wait, I think I have another interpretation of the third panel. Aggie is about to think that Xena doesn't need "someone to listen, she needs a padded cell". Then she says that Charlotte (whom Aggie was very suspicious about) did, indeed, need someone to listen, and her sadfase is due to her realising she's being a judgmental bitch, again.

Not very likely, but maybe?

That's what I thought, too:

It could be that rather than looking at the relationship, she's looking at the fact that Duane listened to Charlotte. She'd just thought "This girl doesn't need someone to listen, she needs a padded cell" and then, when she saw Charlotte and Duane walking by, she realized that she was in the wrong by thinking that.

Although I didn't word mine as well as yours..

I disagree. Charlotte, whatever her particular brand of crazy, didn't 'get better' because she got someone to listen, she 'got better' because like a lot of shut in religious homeschoolers, when she got out in the real world, she figured out that some things didn't quite fit her worldview and began questioning them.

Xenoo-ee-oo-ah-ah-ting-tang-walla-walla-bing-bang, on the other hand, has shown a remarkable skill at twisting the facts of the world to fit her cult. (Yes, like the French, I consider them a cult.) She's much less redeemable than Charlotte at her worst.

[oddtail]

EDIT: wait, I think I have another interpretation of the third panel. Aggie is about to think that Xena doesn't need "someone to listen, she needs a padded cell". Then she says that Charlotte (whom Aggie was very suspicious about) did, indeed, need someone to listen, and her sadfase is due to her realising she's being a judgmental bitch, again.

Not very likely, but maybe?

That's what I thought, too:

It could be that rather than looking at the relationship, she's looking at the fact that Duane listened to Charlotte. She'd just thought "This girl doesn't need someone to listen, she needs a padded cell" and then, when she saw Charlotte and Duane walking by, she realized that she was in the wrong by thinking that.

Although I didn't word mine as well as yours..

I disagree. Charlotte, whatever her particular brand of crazy, didn't 'get better' because she got someone to listen, she 'got better' because like a lot of shut in religious homeschoolers, when she got out in the real world, she figured out that some things didn't quite fit her worldview and began questioning them.

Xenoo-ee-oo-ah-ah-ting-tang-walla-walla-bing-bang, on the other hand, has shown a remarkable skill at twisting the facts of the world to fit her cult. (Yes, like the French, I consider them a cult.) She's much less redeemable than Charlotte at her worst.

Rhodesaw: yeah, sorry, I missed that one.

NobodySpecial: I'm not saying Xena is like Charlotte, I'm saying Aggie might THINK that she is. Also, I consider Scientologists a cult as well. Also, "Xenoo-ee-oo-ah-ah-ting-tang-walla-walla-bing-bang"? You win an Internet for that one!

[musikitty]

I agree that both Brandi and Penny look like they're shocked by something behind Stan, not Stan himself. Of course whatever it is must be related to him in some way if Brandi's growling his name like that.

I don't think Stan is being a "player" here. He and Brandi had no commitment to each other. He kissed Penny and enjoyed it (duh kissing is fun and gives you warm tingly feelings). But he doesn't want a relationship with Penny, even after the kiss. Maybe the kiss even convinced him that the person he really does like is Brandi. So he asks Brandi to be exclusive. Now they're exclusive, and he hasn't gone kissing anyone else (that we know of) since. Nobody did anything wrong, so Penny is completely unjustified in accusing Stan of misbehavior.

And he's right. She *doesn't* know him that well, and has no way of knowing his motivations. Brandi and Stan are much closer than Stan and Penny, and thus Penny has no right to claim to know his motives better just because he kissed her once. Brandi knows Stan's background just as he knows hers. If they want to try something exclusive, they're both going into this with eyes wide open.

I agree that Penny's probably not been rejected like this in years, and is used to being the one everyone wants. Even if she doesn't *really* want Stan, it's shocking and hurtful to her that he could kiss her and then pick someone else. She doesn't necessarily want him, but she wants him to want her.

I hope Brandi and Penny fight this one out, because Penny needs to learn that in the New World Order that is the post-Karen friendship group, nobody gets to be the "Queen Bee" anymore, and that includes her. And she doesn't get to see herself as better than, higher-up than, or more desirable than her friends without someone taking her down for it.

[Octavian]

Just my two cents-- uh, very unlikely that whatever is shocking them is Michelle standing there. I'm too lazy to find the exact strip, but Brandi was the one who got Michelle thinking about Stan in a whole new light in the first place. I imagine she knew they'd had something going on.