Well she's back in the hospital, admitted to the crappy local one, not the ER this time. Coughing sets off nausea, which sets off dehydration, which sets off more nausea so she throws up a couple of times every hour. Can't keep the antibiotics nor fluids down. I've taken to dropping her off when she gets admitted because I can barely stand to be in the hospital anymore. Also she's always asking for more pain meds and I'm this long haired hippy looking guy in a small republican town so we get prejudged a lot so I might as well help not add to the image...they were already asking how old she was at the front desk beyond what they normally do for admittance, one of my favorite warning signs. You can only be sick if you're old you see. She has track marks solely from IVs in hospitals and all her veins are collapsed from so much IV that they always have to break out the ultrasound to get one back into her.
I've taken her to five different gastroenterologists over two states. They all say the same that it's scarring from her previous seven surgeries.
I can not even get regular people to comprehend how fucked up this all is. Imagine you're holding someone you love above water and they are drowning and pulling you down with them. Played Silent Hill 2? I'm James. I love my wife, I hate her for being sick all the time and putting me through all this. I say horrible things to her because the anger that breeds over years of this stuff just boils out sometimes. She talks all the time about how worthless she is and I try to boost her self-esteem because she is not, she gives me great joy when she is smiling and laughing, she's very talented before she was sick she could play the piano, draw, do gymnastics, fuck you up in Goldeneye and still can in SWTOR. Every guy and a few girls around her fought over her. The last few rounds when it got bad I called her a worthless parasite myself.
It would give me immense pleasure to fuck up every incompetent I meet connected with the medical industry...more reasons I need to stay away when she's in there. One of the first things we tell them every time we're in the ER is she had a full hysterectomy at 26...and we're always waiting an extra hour or two for the pregnancy test......
We watched the Muppets last night, we were happy for an 1:45 minus the three times she went to throw up. Today it's right back to it.
BTW I'm not a pity whore nor am I trying to belittle the problems of others (Well all except Zanosuke, Bleach? Come on now that show sucks like all this new anime. However as I'm the Otaking I guess I have to give you a pass
. I see your Bleach and raise you Full Metal Alch: Brotherhood or perhaps the new Avatar stuff coming out )
I only write this stuff to try to stay sane and see how crazy I am when it's up there in black and white. I speak to no one in real life about this stuff anymore, my parents a little but they have their judgements of her as well. My sister wrote me this whole long letter about how she was a hypochondriac and I needed to divorce her and it's all just about the pain meds and blah blah conservative speak and my wife found the letter. When I moved back out here originally I was hoping to get better help from my family but I can't even have her near them due to all the prejudgements and the animosity on both sides now. Some, and I won't say all, conservatives are so practiced at selectively ignoring facts that I could beat them over the head with her amassed medical records, photos of scarring, multiple surgical reports which would be like the weight of an ACME cartoon anvil and these facts would still not sway them.
In case you're new to the Otaking Rant Show it went down like this:
Endometriosis > Laser ablative surgeries to remove Endo > Full hysterectomy + appendectomy > Colonoscopies > Gall bladder removed > Sphincter of Odii surgery > Pill Cam > Back to the Endo specialist in CA to loosen scarring > Everyone gives up and endless emergency room Hell > Hey I see you were bored, let's throw in some Whooping Cough on top of your chronic incurable mystery internal organ scarring...Thanks a lot God or whoever and Fuck You.