The unofficial bad day thread.

[Trefle]

..yeah, exactly as Mr.Brightside and Zanosuke Kurosaki had said. (and *hugs* to Mr. Brightside.)
First things first;
Be honest to yourself.
And start doing something.

@Artemisia : yeah, I'm just really.....simplifying what you said. I'm sure there are more.
There sounds like quite a lot of issue. I do hope you can find some way in expressing those. Letting it go.

[Artemisia]

@Artemisia : yeah, I'm just really.....simplifying what you said. I'm sure there are more.
There sounds like quite a lot of issue. I do hope you can find some way in expressing those. Letting it go.

I'm working on it. I think I need to start in my own space first and make myself comfortable. I'm working on that now. Just a certain conversation set me off and not feeling comfortable in a given space didn't help.

[Otaking]

It's not as easy getting away. I'm only 16, turning 17 this month, so I can't just pack up and leave. I'm hoping things will get better in college, when I'll have my own space and be able to think. The same goes with friends. I like my friends, I do, but I just don't think I can share any of this with them right now. In college I'll definitely be more... open about my beliefs, since the people there would have no preconceived notions about what I should be versus what I am.

Things will absolutely be better in college. Freedom is a wonderful solution to a lot of problems. High school and parentally proscribed life is like jail for a lot of people. Rather than looking for introspective means to help with your problems, consider putting all that energy and time into plans to GTFO, get a job elsewhere, apartment listings/dorm elsewhere, tuition elsewhere etc etc. The easiest way to get started in a new area is get a roommate around your age because lot of them aren't going to saddle you with credit checks and this and that. Job, roommate, hey it's easier to pack up and leave than you might think! If you have the tuition from your parents, even easier. Pick an area to go to like a city with a lot of things within walking distance if you don't have a car. Fortunately most developed college towns have this quality.

Perhaps you just have to hold out for a year to graduate? High school senior year is pretty breezy for most, kids aren't so focused on the local popularity contest anymore and are going out into the semi-real world of college where Ms. America in your school finds out she's a dime a dozen and Mr. Jock finds out his skills at knocking a ball around a playground aren't worth much unless he got recruited by a major college. Just stay focused on acquiring as much freedom and independence as you can in your last year of jail. Set up the dorm, set up the roommate, set up the job, know where you going. You could have some of that stuff waiting on you for when you get out and just adios muchachos...Remember it's not really you with the problems, it's all those intolerant motherfuckers around you, dump em! They're no fun at parties anyway...

[Hexr]

Hi guys! I hate being a grown-up, and having responsibilities sucks.
Most of you, if not all of you know it already, so I'm not going to spend more time talking about it. It is not what this post is about. (it was just an explanation, why I have not been posting here as much as I'd like to.)

konaa:
Welcome, and make yourself at home! I hope this board will prove to be as awesome to you as it has been to me.

First off. I'm really sorry if I sound patronizing or something, it is not my intention in the least. This may not help much, but I think I understand some of what you're going through. Majority of your post could well be written by me a few years back (if I had been smart enough to talk to anyone about it back then).

Otaking already made the point about possibly moving away. I don't want to try and push a decision - any decision - but please give it some thought.

Other point that has already been made is seeking the help of a therapist. Again, it's your decision to make, but I believe you have less to lose in giving it a try than you have in doing nothing.

Then, about college. I was about your age when all kinds of shits started hitting the fan. I drew my head in, lifted my shoulders up, toughed it out, tried not to make waves, and lied to everyone, hoping it will get better when I get to college and move away from home.
Good news is
a) I made it through those years and
b) it indeed did.
Bad news, however, are that I'm not sure I ever did (get better, that is).

And I feel horrible, even now, typing this. I feel like a drama queen attention-whore. I feel like I'm taking up time of all of you, time that could be used talking to someone who actually matters.

*sigh* That's all. I don't know I feel about this right now. But I needed to say that. Sorry if I sound spammy or wangsty. Sorry if I wasted your time.

Lastly, you are not wasting anyone's time "that you could be used talking to someone who actually matters". Cause actually, you do matter. If anyone tries to ever tell you otherwise, they are jackasses, and jackasses should be ignored and avoided.

[Louisa]

*hugs and beverages of your choice (mine's a tea) to everyone in this thread*

konaa,

One thing that really bugs me about the "It Gets Better" campaign is that it seems entirely focused on the future. And while it's true that things can and will get better in the future, you shouldn't just be waiting around for that to happen: it can actually start to get better right now. A lot of people in this thread have already suggested ways in which you can start making it better right now, from making escape plans to looking for a therapist. I'd like to add one more suggestion, based on something you highlighted as being a problem.

I like my friends, I do, but I just don't think I can share any of this with them right now.

I've been there. If you don't feel in a position to share this with your friends, then don't. But I know how isolated it can feel when you don't have anyone to share your problems with, which is why it's useful to find someone you can talk to, even if they're on the other side of a computer screen (the first person I ever came out to was a guy I met on the internet. Even if we were in different countries, it was such a relief to be able to talk about it with someone). That's hopefully where this thread comes in: virtually sharing what you're going through is one of the ways you can start to make things get better. There's nothing wrong, and several things right, with seeking support online, so I hope you'll continue to post here if you find it in any way helpful. And if you'd like to talk in a slightly less public setting, feel free to PM me.

(And as for feeling like a drama queen attention-whore: around here that role is reserved solely for Lisa Winklemeyer )

[Artemisia]

Louisa,

That's why we're here. . .to make today a little bit better.

[konaa]

Wowow. So many responses. I'm gonna try to address everything here, so let's go.

@ Trefle, Mr. Brightside, Zanosuke: Actually, my mom suggested I see a therapist (I told my mom a little about how her and my dad's arguing [which contributes to my mistrust of others] affected me: I haven't been able to observe really any normal relationships and so I don't know how a normal relationship should go, and that I have trust issues because I if my parents can't even get their act together, how should I trust others to treat me with dignity. And my past experiences with peers haven't left me optimistic either. [All the other stuff I mentioned is still stored away inside of me.] So the topic has been breached at home, and after reading what you said, I'm leaning toward asking about seeing a therapist sometime. I am making small steps toward addressing the issues on my own - back in Acting class there was a sort of "share your dark secrets day" so people could get stuff off their chests and I mentioned myself considering suicide and even came out as bisexual and everyone was very supportive, so that felt really good. But I didn't tell them everything, and the people closest to me have no idea. Maybe when I'm in college and calling home I'll pull a "By the way, I'm bisexual" before hanging up. Now THAT would be interesting...

I do have outlets, though - writing and drawing and daydreaming about other worlds (which I subsequently write about.) I actually do want to be an author. Writing is especially good for me since I feel like I have some control. I have the control to create a more accepting world, a world where there is no prejudice.

@ Otaking: I haven't totally decided where I'm going to college just yet (I do have a top three, though.) My dad is going to help me with scholarships, at least. I'm ready for the world, bring it on! And trust me. Once I'm in college, the facade is gonna be shattered into a million pieces. I'm going to stop hiding behind parent-approved clothes and parent-approved beliefs and finally... well... BE MYSELF for once, DAMMIT! Once I do apply and start getting accepted I'll start looking into jobs and housing.

@ Hexr: I don't think you sound patronizing in the least. Thank you. Usually I manage to feel okay, but sometimes, as I said before... I just look back on what a horrible person I (sometimes) perceive myself to be and that's not fun. And I do try to avoid jackasses whenever possible.

@ Louisa: Writing helps a little, since I can channel some of my feelings into what I'm writing. Also, despite my feeling a bit odd when reading what people are saying to me, I do feel better that people are able to understand and sympathize with how I feel. I realize that I'm not alone (I didn't necessarily think that before, but nobody seemed to notice I was acting a bit differently, feeling differently.) I will continue posting. Because... having it all OUT for once, in words, being able to recognize my thoughts and put them into words, at least... it just feels good.

(I realize that I'm sort of villainizing my parents here, and I don't think they deserve that. They try, at least, and I know they worry about me, but I'd feel uncomfortable talking about this with them. I don't have words to express WHY... but I would.)

[grimmi05]

Hey Konaa, I see you mentioned a acting class? if you like acting, try to audtion for community theater shows. Its a get way to meet new people, and trust me you will make some new friends. there is something about sharing the expereince of Hell Week, with a half finished set and a cast that only now have everybody in the same room together that will make you friends for life.

[LadyObvious23]

I poured hot coffee on my shirt, nearly dropped three coffee mugs, slammed into a co-worker (Thankfully she didn't get mad since we bump in to each other every day.) and walked in a sticky patch at work cuz someone spilt flavoring on the floor but didn't bother to clean it up. DX

Happy Friday the 13th people! DX

[Valerie]

Konaa, welcome to the forum. Most of what I would tell you has been said already, but I will say this: Too many of us don't know what healthy relationships look like. I'm married. I don't wear a ring. I've seen wedding rings and engagement rings go on and off so many fingers that I'm unable to see them as significant at all. The only married couple I'm close to in my family is miserable, and my mom has been engaged at least three or four times since she and my dad divorced. It's laughable to me that anyone could put any faith into a piece of metal. My engagement ring was a watermelon Ring Pop in a cheap hotel room. That means more to me than any stupid rock or metal ever could.

...*cough* Anyway. You're all beautiful and amazing people. I wish I could offer more support than that, but I've been having issues, too.

I work eight hours with no breaks every day. I am the only person in my position at work. It is always busy. I am exhausted when I get home. But Morgan always wants to go places. D: So then I have to push a chair around for another hour or two because he gets REALLY depressed if he's stuck in the house, and I end up feeling like a horrible person because he just wants to go to the grocery or whatever and I shouldn't be enough of a jerk to deny him that.

But then I'm even more exhausted.

And he keeps complaining about how the kitchen isn't ready yet, since I've been too tired to work on it. And it's like omigawdiamsotired. But we're starting on the kitchen a little this weekend, so whoo.

In short, my husband wants a kitchen and the ability to go outside once every day or two. And I suck for not being able to help with that.

And also, my mom and dad are superficially pretty nice people, which makes it worse that they actually are not the best parents because there are days I'm around them that trick me into thinking that it's worth my time to pursue a deeper relationship wih them. This is especially bad in the case of Mom, because my brain is all like, "Look, she's changed! She might actually be kind of okay!" And then I remember that this has happened a thousand times before and also that she still owes me $600 for the couches she stole from me almost a year ago. =/

[Artemisia]

Well, Valerie, I understand you there. My parents are still married, but honestly, there are times I really have wondered if they would have been better off divorcing all those years ago when my mother found out about my father's boyfriend. My father and mother don't talk as much now. He lives in the garage and she lives in the first floor (my aunt, cousin, her boyfriend and I all live on the second floor).

My father wasn't actually abusive physically, but he could be difficult, aggravating, cold and distant. He was never happy, and if you said the wrong thing, well, he could be difficult about it. I always felt like he was very judgmental and difficult with me, so I was never all that happy around him. There have been a few wonderful times with him, but not many.

[Captain LeBubbles]

My father wasn't actually abusive physically, but he could be difficult, aggravating, cold and distant. He was never happy, and if you said the wrong thing, well, he could be difficult about it. I always felt like he was very judgmental and difficult with me, so I was never all that happy around him. There have been a few wonderful times with him, but not many.

Do we have the same dad, Artemisia? Because I'd swear you just described mine. (I swear, nothing I do is ever good enough for that man.)

[Artemisia]

My father wasn't actually abusive physically, but he could be difficult, aggravating, cold and distant. He was never happy, and if you said the wrong thing, well, he could be difficult about it. I always felt like he was very judgmental and difficult with me, so I was never all that happy around him. There have been a few wonderful times with him, but not many.

Do we have the same dad, Artemisia? Because I'd swear you just described mine. (I swear, nothing I do is ever good enough for that man.)

Well, with me, it wasn't that nothing I ever did was good enough. It was more like, I sometimes felt like he hated something about me that he never wanted to own up to. I sometimes think he never wanted children. I knew he was always unhappy too.

[Valerie]

My father wasn't actually abusive physically, but he could be difficult, aggravating, cold and distant. He was never happy, and if you said the wrong thing, well, he could be difficult about it. I always felt like he was very judgmental and difficult with me, so I was never all that happy around him. There have been a few wonderful times with him, but not many.

Do we have the same dad, Artemisia? Because I'd swear you just described mine. (I swear, nothing I do is ever good enough for that man.)

If it helps, Bubs, that's how my dad is with me. Working forty or more hours a week is no excuse to not move an entire porch's worth of rocks by myself in the course of an afternoon. =_= And they were sooo concerned when I was single, but then he made it clear on several occasions that I shouldn't be married. And my drawings were a waste of time, but here's a tablet so you can work on them some more, but seriously stop wasting your time. Et freaking cetera.

[Artemisia]

It sounds like we all had horrible times with our fathers.